Passion Beneath the Cherry Blossoms
by xPrimalDesiresx
Summary: Roy is in love with Edward, but Ed is a virgin in every way. He's never even lain with another man. But their bond is strong. Or is it? When someone comes between them, will they have the strength to hold on? Can Roy stop Ed before it's too late? YAOI
1. Innocent Beginnings

**AN: Passion Beneath The Cherry Blossoms is a FMA fanfic told only from the point of view of Roy Mustang. This is a primarily Roy/Ed fic. That means there is Yaoi in here. Possible sex scenes at a later date.**

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I remember how it all began. I still regret that day so long ago, when I fell in love, under the cherry blossoms. I wasn't looking for love . . . I never meant to fall. I meant to be a good soldier, to save lives.

So isn't it ironic that the life most important to me was the only one I couldn't save?

"Roy, I've . . ." Edward bit his lip. "I've never done anything like this before."

I pushed a strand of flaxen hair out of his eyes and let my hand rest on his cheek. It felt warmer than any flame I'd ever ignited. "Are you afraid?" I murmured. "I can slow down if you'd like." I only wanted him to be happy.

Edward bit his lip again, squirming under me. "No, I want . . . I want you. But yes, I am nervous."

I laughed. "Don't worry," I chided. "I'll go easy on you, promise." I bent and kissed him softly on the lips. He really was such a baby, still a virgin in everything. He hadn't ever had anyone kiss him, let alone kissed anyone else.

But he did want this. I could tell when he reached up, experimentally, to twine his fingers through my raven hair and lean closer. I didn't hesitate. I dove to him quicker now. I didn't want to deny him anything. No, I couldn't.

I loved him more than anything.

So why couldn't he have just loved me back? Why couldn't things have stayed blissful forever?

Like a sailboat leaving a dock, he drifted farther and farther out of my grasp until I could hold only the memories of happier days in my arms. On the rare occasion that our eyes met, his amber orbs had lost all their shine and luster. The innocent love once held within them was replaced with a weak stare of melancholy. Edward had been lost at sea, sunk to the bottom of the ocean.

In happier times, Edward and I always had walked home together, hand in hand, worrying little of the public's opinion. Our bond was strong enough to bear the guilt of the occasional discerning eye or mocking comment. We walked, his warm palm against my own, our fingers laced together. Always, we took the long way home – the route that lay beneath the cherry blossoms – for the sake of reminiscence.

I remember how it all changed.

One day I exited the office, shut the door, and turned. As usual, Edward was waiting for me. However, today was different. Never again would we walk beneath the blossoms, hand in hand, so carefree. A single sentence would end the tradition, a single chip into our slowly shattering bond.

"Roy... I'm sorry, but I can't walk home with you today, I'm busy." His eyes stared at the pasty white tile. His head bowed in shame as he crossed his arms over his chest.

I was startled. "With what?" I asked.

Ed's looked at me, his eyes wide, but he answered quickly enough. "I have an appointment across town." He shrugged and turned away. "Sorry, Roy. Some other time."

I watched him disappear down the hallway and out the front door. After a moment, I followed him. Even then, I knew something was wrong. And I wanted to know exactly what it was.

The sun was setting fast. I walked at a hurried pace over cobblestone sidewalks, only a few blocks behind my love. The buildings turned russet with the light of the coming twilight. I wondered where Edward could be going.

Of course, there was the possibility that he did have some sort of appointment . . . But he hadn't mentioned it before now.

I was embarrassed as I crept down a road as inconspicuously as possible. I felt guilty . . . dirty. Why couldn't I just trust Edward, as he had always trusted me? Why couldn't I just believe what he said and go home?

Well, my intuition wouldn't let me. I had a gut feeling that something bad was about to go down, though I had no idea at the time as to what it could be.

I watched my golden-eyed lover retreat into a bar, but I didn't dare follow him. Instead, I slipped into a store on the opposite side of the street to watch him through the front window. I was prepared to wait as long as it took for him to finish.

But it didn't take long.

Only twenty minutes passed before I saw Edward stumble from the doors of the bar. He was alone, and he looked as though he'd taken more than a couple shots of liquor in the time he was inside.

I went to the door of the store I'd hid in, which apparently was a bookshop, and slipped it open. The owner had pressured me to buy something for the twenty minutes I stayed, but I ignored him. Edward was my only priority.

Stepping out into the cold night, I pulled my jacket tighter around me. Peaking around the edge of the building, I could see Edward was making his way slowly but surely in the direction of his apartment. His footfalls were uneven. If I didn't know any better, I would've guessed he was limping from an injury. But he was only drunk. He was passed buzzed, more than tipsy, but I figured I'd let him walk home by himself. I would only watch from the shadows and make sure he didn't hurt himself or freeze to death. Like his own personal guardian angel, my only desire was to protect him.

So, of course, I didn't know that my seemingly good intentions would only hurt him further.

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**AN: R&R please.**


	2. Shattered Bonds

**AN: Passion Beneath The Cherry Blossoms is a FMA fanfic told only from the point of view of Roy Mustang. This is a primarily Roy/Ed fic. That means there is Yaoi in here. Possible sex scenes at a later date. Thanks for the reviews.  
**

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After following him for three and a half blocks, I watched Edward stumble toward the entrance of our apartment. With a bit of difficulty, he managed to half-fall through the entryway, shutting the chestnut door behind him. Outside, I decided to wait a few moments before joining my bisque-haired lover. Had I simply followed him inside, I would have aroused suspicion. Even in his intoxicated state, there was still a chance he would question whether or not I had been trailing behind him.

After roughly five minutes, there was a crash from within the walls of our abode. The sound of shattering glass erupted as it hit the hard floor. Then silence fell. There was no sound for a moment. But then my heart was almost strangled with anxiety as I heard small, quiet sobs coating the still night. I knew without a doubt that they were Edward's cries.

Now I was faced with a predicament. Should I enter, giving myself away, or should I remain latent outside, waiting for a better time to enter? Regrettably, I chose the latter. At the time, I thought surely that Edward would be able to avoid being injured from whatever had broken, even if he was swelling with liquor. And it was probably just the liquor that was upsetting him. There was a possibility, considering I'd never seen him drink so much before, that he was merely a sad drunk.

Unfortunately, I was wrong.

As I turned the copper-colored knob, I exposed myself to the true horrors of my paramour's somber state. Sanguine fluid oozed from the pale virgin flesh of Edward's wrist. In his metal hand he held a silver shard of mirror. He plunged the reflective glass into his arm, dragging it down horizontally. Crimson blood had been splattered across our kitchen tile, staining its calm tan color a red shade of pain.

My eyes widened. "Edward?"

He looked up at me, realizing he'd been caught in the act.

I stood, momentarily frozen in place by the scene before me. Edward didn't say anything, but in that fraction of a second I watched a drop of blood fall from his arm. When the drop hit the floor, I ran.

"Edward!" In half a second, I was on the floor with him, struggling to wrench the mirror piece out of his hand. It was clear to me that this wasn't some accident. "Edward, give it to me!"

"No!" he yelled. I was surprised by the gruffness of his voice. He was like a dog gone mad, rabid. I could almost feel him breaking.

"Fork it over!" I commanded again, and finally managed to rip the glass from his hand. I threw it across the room and addressed my shattered love. "Why are you doing this?!"

Edward was quiet. He didn't look me in the eye. He avoided my glance.

I looked down at the only human arm he had left. His skin was still bleeding where he'd cut it. I was suddenly so angry that I couldn't stop myself. If only I'd rushed in sooner! I could have stopped him from hurting himself like this! I could have helped him! I shook him by his shoulders and cried, "How could you do this to yourself?!"

Edward was scared. With eyes wide he whispered, "Roy, I'm sorry, I—"

"No you're not," I growled. Then he looked at me. All the pain in his eyes made my anger disappear as suddenly as it had come. "Edward," I held his head in my hands and kissed his brow. "Are you trying to hurt me?"

That got his attention. "What?" he said. "No! Never, I—"

"If you take a blade to your skin," I murmured, "You may as well be taking one to mine."

"Roy, I have no idea what you . . ." He raised his eyebrows, "Oh my god, Roy! Stop!"

But it was too late. I'd already picked up a fine sliver of mirror and pulled back my sleeve, pressing the tiny blade into my skin, carving the name of my love.

"E-D . . . W-A . . . R-D," I said aloud, writing the letters quickly. I had to bite my lip against the pain. Tiny beads of blood began to bloom and fall from the homemade tattoo, like flower petals.

"Roy, stop!" Edward pleaded. Again there were tears in his eyes. "Please," he begged. "Please!"

I did stop, but only for a moment. "What I'm doing is an act of love, not hate. Can the same be said for what you have done? No." I leaned into him. "Edward," I kissed him once more, softer this time, "You have to tell me what's troubling you. How can I go on, knowing you're hurting like this?"

He opened his mouth, wanting to tell me, but then decided against it. "I can't," he said. "I want to, I really do, but . . ."

I raised an eyebrow at him and finished with, "E-L . . . R-I . . . C," on my arm, right under his first name.

"Roy," he whispered. His eyes pleaded with me not to do any more.

I smiled. "Unless you've got a middle name you've forgotten to tell me, I think that's all there is to do."

Edward shook his head fervently.

"No?" I smiled again. "Alright." I pulled him close to me and wrapped my arms around him, kissing him again. "Now tell me what's wrong, Edward. You know I love you. I love you more than anything. I can help you. I _want_ to help you! All you have to do is tell me what's wrong."

I watched Edward bite his lip in thought. But a moment later, in a soft slur, he mumbled, "Roy, I just can't bear to break your heart."

I grasped his warm shoulders, gazing down at him. "Well I can't bear to see your heart broken anymore."

My head lowered and our lips met. It began softly, like the tickle of the wind in the springtime. But it became more passionate as time passed. Our lips were brought together by a bind of love; the only key to unlock us was the need to breathe. I nibbled his bottom lip, as he tried to suppress his moans. Our tongues protruded and danced like the flamenco dancer women of Mexico, making smooth swings and dips.

However, it wasn't all so clean and graceful. I pounded him with my tongue. I bit and chewed on his oral projections. He bled, I swallowed, and he moaned begging for more. I wanted to know him inside and out. I wanted to taste his blood and feel the entirety of his body as it shivered from my arduous physical love. I wanted to know my Edward.

Before we could go any further, he began to drift off, completely worn out. I wanted more, but I knew it was best to let him be. Perhaps it was for the better I didn't steal away his entire innocence that night. It may have deepened his already bleeding mental wound.

I was glad that Edward was already in my arms. It made it much easier for me to lift him off the floor and carry him to our room.

Though the room was dark, I still managed to find the bed without any problems. It was as familiar to me as Edward. It was home.

I lowered him carefully onto the padded comforter before climbing into bed next to him. I watched him as my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room. His breathing was soft, comforting. It was a disturbing contrast to the shock that overpowered the previous events of the night. He'd cut himself, and not innocent kitty scratches either. There had to be something terribly wrong… and he wouldn't tell me what it was. Why wouldn't he? His arm was turned away from me as if he didn't want me to see his cuts. I felt the indents on my own arm, thinking about him. He looked so childish next to me. I wanted to hold him but didn't want to risk disturbing his sleep.

I sighed. Why had this happened? Only a few minutes earlier into our apartment and I could have saved him. I could've stopped him from hurting himself. Why had I waited? I couldn't remember now. My reasoning had become muddled.

I lied down next to him. His face on the pillow next to mine was so calm. I closed my eyes, willing the events of that night to disappear. Despair settled over me. Was there nothing I could do?

I edged closer to him. All I wanted was to protect him. I wanted him to be _happy_. But how could I protect him from himself?

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**AN: R&R**


	3. Unstable Realizations

**AN: ****Passion Beneath The Cherry Blossoms is a FMA fanfic told only from the point of view of Roy Mustang. This is a primarily Roy/Ed fic. That means there is Yaoi in here. Possible sex scenes at a later date. Thanks for the reviews!**

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As quickly as sleep had come, it left. Just as the first glimpses of white sunlight began to reveal themselves on the horizon, a loud thud sounded from just outside the peace of the bedroom, awakening me from my slumber. Still half-asleep, I felt the cloth of the bedspread, searching for my petite lover.

Unable to trace him with my hands, I opened my eyes somewhat painstakingly against the maturing sunlight. Edward was nowhere to be found.

Remembering the noise that had awakened me, I jerked myself out of bed. What if Edward had been hurt? Or worse, what if he had hurt himself?

I flung open the door. Sure enough, Edward was lying on the linoleum tiles. It seemed like a cruel parody of last night's events. This time, a stainless steel kitchen knife had fallen to the floor as if to incriminate him. Blood seeped from his marble wrist once again.

"EDWARD!" I cried. I lurched toward him, ignoring the puddle of blood on the floor. "How could you do this to me?" I pleaded with him, "WHY? How could you do this to yourself?"

He didn't respond. Slowly, his eyelids began to conceal his amber orbs. His pale body shuddered in pain. My eyes flew to his wrist. These new slices were deeper than the last. Edward had gone too far. I kneeled over him, grasping his shoulders, "Edward! Speak to me!"

Finally, he managed to whisper a single sentence. His voice was hoarse. "Roy... Please, forgive… me."

"Edward! Stay with me!" I called to him, but there was no answer. He was still beneath me. "Shit!" I lifted him, cradling him in my arms as I rushed out the door. It seemed like a reflection of the first time he'd cut, like it wasn't real. It couldn't be real. My Edward…

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When I ran into the emergency ward of the hospital, it was the first time I had ever been glad to live in the military sector of the city. Our status as state alchemists had rewarded Edward and I an apartment less than a block away from the hospital.

But I wondered if that would be enough. Had too much time already passed? I worried as they pulled Edward, my bleeding Edward, out from my arms and away. Before I could blink, they had him on a stretcher. One of the doctors performed some kind of alchemy on his wounded arm while another stuck an IV into it, avoiding the place of injury.

My voice was small. "Is he going to be okay?" I tried to get the attention of a stern-looking doctor as he rushed by with the stretcher. I was ignored. I raced after the group of doctors down the hallway only to watch them disappear into an emergency ward.

At the door, a tight-lipped nurse stood blocking the entrance. "Are you a family member of Edward Elric?" she asked. I was surprised she knew his name. Then again, most State Alchemists were well known, to the point where most civilians could recognize them off the streets.

"Yes, I am." I didn't hesitate in my answer. It was a lie, of course, but she couldn't possibly know that.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to wait outside. It's against hospital policy to be in the room while patients are being treated with risk of fatality. However, once the doctors are finished, you're welcome to visit him."

Reluctantly, I retreated to the waiting room. Edward's life was out of my grasp. He could have been dying right then, alone, scared, and bleeding with no familiar face at his side. I no longer had any control over whether he lived or died. All I could do is wait.

I sunk into the cheap, cushioned, table-chairs of the waiting room, a stack of aged magazines piled beside me. In a feeble attempt to keep my mind off of Edward's imminent danger, I began to flip through a celebrity magazine decorated with the faces of movie stars. But no matter how many stories I glanced at, Edward would reenter my head, bursting through my thoughts like a water balloon on a needle.

Sighing, I gave up on attempting to distract myself. I felt guilty, as if I were sweeping my problems and despair under a rug. Edward could have been dying, and I was reading about pop stars. What kind of lover was I?

I slumped back in my seat. This was horrible… awful… What was wrong? What was Edward not telling me? I racked my mind, trying to think of anything I'd said or done that could be the cause.

I bolted straight up in my seat.

No… It couldn't be that… could it?

I bit my bottom lip, remembering something that had happened only the day before. "Roy... I'm sorry, but I can't walk home with you today, I'm busy," Edward had said. And at first, I'd believed him. But he had lied.

Edward never had an appointment across town. He didn't have any reason to get away from me other than to go to a bar and drink himself almost to death and then…

My mind broke away there, not wanting to think about it anymore.

"Sir?"

My eyes flicked up to the face of the nurse who addressed me. She had the most concerned look on her face. I gasped. "Edward, is he okay?"

"He's stable," she told me. "And when he wakes up, we'll help him."

"Help him?" I asked. My voice was small.

"Sir," the nurse looked uncomfortable. "Mr. Elric, um… He cut himself very deeply. We're thinking it was a suicide attempt."

"What?" I stared at her in horror. I had thought… It had to have been an accident. Edward wasn't… He wasn't…

"We're going to have to help him. Mr. Elric is most likely suffering from a severe depression. He needs _help_."

I nodded, though the meaning of her words never reached me.

"But he's stable now, so you can see him if you want."

I got to my feet. "Take me to him."

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**AN: R&R! Read and Review! What will happen next chapter? Who knows?  
**


	4. Terrible Secrets

**AN: ****Passion Beneath The Cherry Blossoms is a FMA fanfic told only from the point of view of Roy Mustang. This is a primarily Roy/Ed fic. That means there is Yaoi in here. Possible sex scenes at a later date. Thanks for the single review we got.  
**

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The nurse left me outside of Edward's room, to give us more privacy. I would be the only one to venture inside.

I turned the door handle and pulled it open as quietly as I could. I wasn't sure if Edward would be sleeping, or… Then I pulled the door shut behind me.

The room was bright. The walls were largely undecorated and a sea-foam green color. I frowned as I crossed the room. Hospitals were such uncomfortable places, always smelling of bleach and other sanitizers.

Then I saw him. Edward slept in the bed furthest to the corner. Someone had left the screen open that was supposed to shield him from any passerby.

I walked over. It seemed to me like an awful nightmare. Edward was paler than I'd ever seen him. His skin was almost translucent, whiter than parchment. He looked so fragile… so small.

I sat at his bedside, pulling up a chair of sterile plastic, and worrying over my unconscious lover.

How I longed to kiss him and tell him everything was alright. But I couldn't do that. That would feel so much like a lie. Everything was wrong. Everything was _so_ wrong.

I took his hand in mine, the human one, and gave it a little squeeze. It was at that moment that Edward opened his eyes. I watched the emotions flicker through his face: Realization of where he was, what had happened, and some sad emotion I couldn't discern. He looked so helpless then, it just about killed me.

I inhaled sharply and Edward noticed me for the first time. His hand jerked out of my grasp. I didn't try to hide my disappointment. I wanted to hold him more than anything. But if things were how I'd assumed in the waiting room, maybe Edward didn't feel the same.

I tried to calm myself before I asked him, but I couldn't. "Edward, it's…" He glanced at me, appearing so miserable; I just threw the words out there. "It's me, isn't it?" I asked, afraid for his answer.

"What?" First he looked genuinely shocked. He quickly became appalled, "No! Of course, not!"

Something in the way he said it made me think it was a lie. "Edward," I said, choking out the words. "If you don't love me… If that's what's upsetting you, you have to tell me. You _have_ to."

"Roy—"

Edward went to argue, but I cut him off. I was pleading with him now. "Edward, we _can't_ go on like this." I realized that I was closer to him now; holding his hand again, my words a whispered plea. "I can't… Edward," I looked at him through watery eyes, trying to contain myself. "I can't watch you hurt yourself like this. Not again… I… I just can't."

"Roy, it's not—"

"They… the doctors told me…They think it was a _suicide_ attempt." I let the concept hang in the air. Edward was quiet now. He only looked sad to me. I sighed and leaned closer, resting my head on his shoulder. This was all too much. Why couldn't he have just stayed happy…?

"It's not you," Edward whispered. He didn't say anything else. I finally believed him.

I closed my eyes, still leaning against him. "Does it hurt?" I asked.

"No," he murmured.

I took this as my cue to wrap my arms around him. He felt cold. I shivered. "What if you'd died?" I asked. "Do you understand how I feel?"

He turned to me. I gazed up at him from his shoulder. He said, "Yes."

"No, you don't," I said quietly, closing my eyes again. "You have no idea…"

He kissed me then, as innocently as I'd ever been kissed. His lips were like butterfly's wings. I held him tighter, promising myself that I'd never leave his side, never sleep again, if that's what it took to protect him.

"I'm sorry."

When he apologized, I was reminded of that morning, when I'd found him on the kitchen floor, half-exsanguinated. I held him tighter.

He coughed. "Roy!"

"Sorry." I loosened my arms just a bit. Only enough so he could breathe properly.

Edward sighed. "It's not you," he said carefully. "It's me."

A mixture of anxiety and curiosity settled in the pit of my stomach. "What do you mean?" I asked, my fingers hardening against his back.

He inhaled deeply, allowing the breath to linger in his throat for a moment before setting it free. "Roy, I... I had an affair."

My heart skipped a beat.

Unable to fathom the words that had escaped his lips, I murmured, "You… what?"

His eyes fell as he turned, facing downward, unable to meet my piercing gaze. "Roy, I'm so sorry..."

I released him and stood up off the bed.

"Please, Roy! I can explain—"

"Explain, Edward? What is there to explain?" I growled. "You cheated on me, and worse, you lied to me. You've turned our love into a complete lie, Edward, a false charade."

"NO!" he cried, bisque hair swaying as he jerked towards me, "Please, Roy, just let me—"

"Let you what?" I interrupted, raising an eyebrow, "Hurt me again? Lie to me again?"

Tears formed at the rims of his amber orbs, "Roy... I love you..."

I turned, facing the doorway. "Apparently, not as much as you love somebody else."

With his mechanical arm, he grasped my sleeve, "It was a mistake. Please… listen to me, Roy," he begged.

Reluctantly, I gave in. I turned to face him. Brushing lemon-wafer strands from his pale-cream facial skin, I murmured, "Well go ahead, then. I'm listening."

Edward bit his lip. "Please just… don't judge me until you've heard me out. I know I did a terrible thing. Can't you see… the guilt alone…" I watched his eyes flash to the cuts on his arm and I instantly understood. "After what I'd done… I could barely look at you anymore. I felt like I had betrayed you. I still feel that way." He fidgeted nervously. "You deserve better than someone like me."

I sat down on the bed again. When Edward looked at me, I took his human hand and held it to my lips, kissing it tenderly. Edward had never been with anyone besides me. I realized that perhaps he had just wanted to test the waters, and be sure I was the only one for him. I didn't look at him as I asked, "So who was it with?"

Edward inhaled, and held it. After a long moment, he exhaled. "It was almost a week ago. I had taken everything I would need into the depths of a military building in Central."

I raised my eyebrows. "A government building?"

"I knew no one would find me there," he amended, "so it was the perfect place. I had it all mapped out in my head. It…" he paused then. "It was so much easier than I'd expected. On the floor, I'd lain out the ingredients, drawn the alchemical circles that would be necessary—"

"Alchemical…?" I frowned. "Edward, what does this have to do with the affair?"

Edward swallowed. "I'm getting to that," he mumbled.

"Go on."

"Everything was ready," Edward continued. "I kept telling myself that that night would be the one in which my brother would breathe again, eat again, sleep again, feel again… But I never could have guessed what would happen."

I knew Alphonse was a touchy subject for Edward. I pitied his childhood mistakes. He had lost his left leg in a miscalculation of human transmutation. But more importantly to Edward, his little brother Alphonse had lost his entire body. Edward sacrificed his right arm to retrieve Al's soul from beyond the gates.

I thought it was an amazingly selfless gesture when I first learned of it. The loss of his limbs was so hard for him to endure.

"… And when I clapped my hands, he was there."

I realized I'd been drifting into thought and losing track of what Edward was saying. My attention focused again.

"Alphonse was THERE," Edward whispered. "In flesh and blood. I was so relieved… so happy. All the years searching for answers… All the times we'd tried and failed. I was able to make up for what I'd done."

Something fell into place for me. I asked, "What happened?" because I knew something had. Something terrible must have gone wrong.

Edward didn't look at me. I sensed he couldn't. Even as he spoke, he sounded as if he was choking, trying to force out words he didn't want to say. Events he didn't want to admit to. "He was… different." He gasped for air in what I quickly realized was a sob. I couldn't stand not comforting him like this. I wrapped my arms around him once more, albeit not as tight this time.

"He… Alphonse wasn't Alphonse," Edward cried. "It was like the gates took… a part of him." He sobbed again. "The gates took the part of him that I loved. They took his innocence!"

"Edward…" I held his face in my hands, then, searching his eyes. Edward quickly looked away. Tears had streamed down his face completely. Then, at that moment, things started to make sense. This whole story he was telling me… His brother… "Oh, Edward… You didn't! Please tell me it wasn't Alphonse…"

Suddenly Edward was very quiet.

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**AN: R&R! Read and REVIEW, if you would be so kind! Tell us what you think! What will happen next chapter? How will Roy react to Edward's affair?  
**


	5. Neglected Tears

**AN: ****Passion Beneath The Cherry Blossoms is a FMA fanfic told from the POV of Roy Mustang. This is a primarily Roy/Ed fic. There is Yaoi in here. Sex scenes at a later date. Thanks for the reviews!**

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"Edward?" I repeated in shock. He couldn't have. His silence now implied that he'd had an affair with none other than Alphonse Elric, his brother.

"I... I couldn't help it." Edward sniffled, "He was different. He wasn't like the Al I remembered at all… The gates gave him back to me… but it wasn't really him. He was a homunculus!"

A gasp entered my lungs. "Edward! He's still your _brother_!" I accused, disgusted with him. "He's your own flesh and blood!"

Clearly this was the wrong response. The volume of Edward's sobs increased as he curled his shaking arms around my waist. I was beginning to regret interrogating the blonde in the first place. Surely such melancholy was adverse to his health. But perhaps this is what had to become of my visit. If not now, how many more times would the root of the problem be avoided? How many more times would Edward's real thoughts and feelings be ignored?

This suffering was for the better, and I had to store that in my memory.

But still, Alphonse was his brother! Not only were they related by blood, they were best friends. I always believed that Alphonse understood the bond Edward and I shared. How could he shatter it?

"Roy..." the blonde's voice trembled over my silence. "Alphonse... he... he…"

Struggling to remain calm, I replied half-nonchalantly, "He what?"

"He seduced me."

I stared deep into my lover's eyes. "Alphonse… seduced you?"

Edward could only nod.

This information didn't fit very well into what I'd known of Alphonse as a suit of armor. Alphonse always seemed carefree, and selfless in his desire to be kind to others. But I found myself believing Edward when he'd said Al had changed. I leaned down and took my gold-haired beloved by his shoulders. My eyes revealed nothing of my intentions. "Did he hurt you?"

Edward looked at me with reluctance. "He was… forceful. But… I could have said no. I could have walked away."

The truth. He had told me the truth, but I'd almost wished he had lied.

Edward paused, "Roy… I am so sorry… I made a stupid, _stupid_ mistake." Everything about him was pleading with me. His remorseful eyes, his weak, grasping hands… even his posture was submissive.

At one point, I would have kissed him greedily in a moment like this. But for the moment, I was too repulsed for anything like that. I stood, moving away from him.

"Roy!" Edward sounded hysteric. "Please, forgive me! I'm sorry!"

I turned once before heading for the door. "I will forgive you," I said quietly. "In time… but not now. I need to think about this." I nodded once, more to myself than him. Then I whispered. "I'll come back for you later."

I didn't look back.

Not that I needed to. I heard Edward burst into quiet sobs as the door slid closed. I imagined him crying into balled fists, shaking uncontrollably without a friend to comfort him. I figured he was either heartbroken that I hadn't immediately forgiven him or relieved that I'd decided to forgive him at all. Or maybe it was both. He'd been through a lot lately. I wouldn't put it past him.

I hoped he would wait for me and stepped out into the cold, stark-white hall. The world around me was a wasteland that I ignored. Chaos raged in my head. Was it right to forgive Edward? I wasn't sure if he deserved it, but I needed him. I needed him more than a drug addict needs his fix. I knew I could survive without him for a while. But a lifetime? That was insanity.

I was so concerned with my thoughts, I didn't even realize who passed me in the hall.

A lecherous grin plastered across his face and a strut in his step, a young man with amber-blonde hair strode past me, taller and more muscular than I would have remembered had I recognized him for what he was.

Alphonse Elric.

And he was headed straight for the room whose sole occupant was my Edward.

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**AN: ****R&R! Read and REVIEW, if you would be so kind! This was a shorter chapter, but we'll update again this weekend!  
**


	6. Unimaginable Regrets

**AN: Sorry! We know we said we would update like five weeks ago, but there were complications! Anyway, here's the latest chapter. It's much longer than usual. Like a DOUBLE-UPDATE!**

**WARNING: This chapter contains lemon. Anyone under the age of 16 should probably skip this chapter.  
**

**Passion Beneath The Cherry Blossoms is a FMA fanfic told from the POV of Roy Mustang. This is a primarily Roy/Ed fic. There is Yaoi in here. More sex scenes at a later date. Thanks for the reviews!**

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If I'd stuck around, I might've heard the frantic, muffled screams of my lover. If I'd stayed and waited, I might've been able to save him from the most horrible experience of his entire life.

But I didn't. I walked away, unknowing of what was about to happen.

Alphonse entered Edward's room quietly, shutting the door without a sound behind him and propping a chair up under the door handle so no one could enter.

Alphonse walked as if time didn't exist, relishing with delight the changing expressions on Edward's face as he looked up, hearing footsteps and expecting Roy, and instead found none other than the man that had caused Roy to leave.

"Al?" Again, a feeling of helpless relief swept over Ed. His brother was alive again after being nothing but a soul imprisoned in steel for so long. Then the fear set in. "Al… Why are you… looking at me like that?"

Alphonse had advanced all the way to Edward's bed by now. He loomed hungrily over Edward, leaning his hands onto the bedside. "Edward, you should have realized that if you were bad, I'd have to punish you."

Edward swallowed, throat dry, unconsciously inching away from the larger, stronger blonde. "Punish me? Al…" He laughed nervously. "What are you talking about?"

Al leaned closer, almost on top of Edward. "You've been naughty," he said, no more than a whisper. "Leaving me alone while you run off to fuck some boy-toy of yours."

Edward cringed under Al's penetrating gaze. "I love Roy," he murmured.

"Excuse me?"

Al was so close to Edward's face that Edward felt dizzy. Al kissed him on the lips. It was a gentle kiss, but it expressed an undying need for more. Al leaned in closer.

"No!" Edward moaned. "No, I love _Roy_! Roy, and _not you_!"

Alphonse paused at this. His voice was suddenly childlike, just as it had been when his soul was trapped inside the suit of armor. "You don't love me, Brother?"

"Al…" Edward hesitated just long enough for Al to clamber on top of him, forcing him back against the hospital bed. "AL! Stop—!"

Al cut him off by forcing his tongue into Edward's mouth. He straddled Edward, keeping the weaker man's legs immobile.

Without relenting on the kiss, Alphonse managed to unfasten Edward's hospital gown, all but exposing him. Alphonse stopped the kiss only to clasp a hand firmly over Edward's mouth. "I really _would_ love to hear you scream, but we can't have any nurses running in to intervene."

Edward moaned in despair out from under Al's hand. Tears were falling fast from his eyes.

"What's that?" Al asked in mock curiosity. "You want to give me a blowjob? Well Edward! I didn't expect you to be so _forward_ about it, but if you insist!" Kissing Edward again, Al was able to remove his own pants quite easily. He'd gone commando for the occasion, so there would be no need to remove something as unnecessary as boxers.

Edward cried out again, presumably in protest (though it was hard to really make out what he was saying), as Al shoved his throbbing erection into his mouth. Alphonse didn't give him any choice in the matter. He held Edward's jaw tightly so it wouldn't move from where he'd positioned it as he then thrusted, hard and fast, into Ed's mouth.

While Edward was preoccupied, Alphonse was quickly becoming impatient. He grabbed at Edward's ass, pulling him closer.

Edward cried out in muffled terror around Al's shaft.

Alphonse paid him no mind. He moved his hand in between Edward's buttocks, fingering the hole once before slipping a finger into Edward.

Alphonse yelled, drowning Edward's surprise out, "Unggg, Edward! You're so _tight!_"

Already having been violated in more ways than one, Edward closed his eyes and wished for everything to either end or be brought to an end by someone coming to his rescue, preferably Roy.

Unfortunately, that was not the way it was going to be. Alphonse shot cum into Edward's mouth and held it closed until he swallowed it. "That's right, Eddy. You love how I taste."

On the contrary, Edward felt as though he were about to vomit.

Alphonse pulled out then, rearranging himself and tying a gag he'd brought with him around Edward's head, so he wouldn't scream. "You're going to like this part," he murmured, "I brought you a present."

Edward cringed, thinking of all the horrible things that could be as Alphonse reached for his pants that had fallen to the floor. He pulled something out of the pocket. It was long and shiny. A scalpel.

Edward was still with wide eyes.

One thought hit his mind all at once.

_No_.

Al had something awful in mind. Something _permanent_. And Ed didn't want to find out what it was. He kicked out at his brother, trying to wriggle out of his grasp.

Al held him fast. "You won't get rid of me that easily," he said. Scalpel in hand, Al began to thumb the soft flesh surrounding Edward's hipbone. "Let's see just how much you really love that boy-toy of yours." His fingers removed from the blonde's entrance, Al teased at it with the scalpel's edge, puncturing the flesh. A few small driblets of blood eased themselves around the blade.

Edward's stomach began to twist with the pain. He let out a small whimper from beneath the gag. This brought a smirk across his tormentor's face. "What? Reconsidering your man, Edward?" Temporarily, he leaned in closer to Ed's amber orbs and untied the gag, "Now tell me who owns you, Eddy, and we can put this whole thing behind us."

Edward spat in Al's face.

Wiping the saliva away, Al chuckled and tied the gag back into its original position. "Oh Edward, you silly boy with your silly pride. You don't know what's best for you."

And with that, he thrust the scalpel further inside of the bisque-haired teen. Edward's stomach churned as pain shot through his abdomen. He could feel more blood dribbling between his thighs. The stinging sensation only grew worse as Al drove the scalpel into his love-cavern deeper. Shaking from pain, fear, and blood loss, Edward cried out as loudly as a gagged man could.

But unfortunately, Roy was long gone, and only Alphonse was there to hear.

Finally, Alphonse slowly and painstakingly removed the scalpel, tearing the already damaged, bleeding tissue. Edward shuddered as it finally separated from his body.

"So Eddy, what's it going to be?" Al lifted the gag from his brother's jaw.

Edward shivered in pain.

Alphonse smirked. "Who owns you, Edward?"

Between struggled gasps for breath, the blonde managed to mutter only five words.

"My heart… belongs… to Roy."

The backside of his younger brother's hand made swift contact with Edward's cheek, leaving an angry red mark along the flesh. The gag was shoved back into his mouth. With nonchalance Al replied, "Well your body belongs to me."

With that, he twisted the scalpel in his palm, drawing it closer to Edward's waistline. He aimed near the bone, and pierced. Al dragged the knife downward, then pierced once again. Drag. Pierce. Drag. Pierce. Edward writhed in agony underneath his brother as crimson slashes were dug into his waistline like clockwork. He panted, his breath ragged from the pain in his abdomen.

Edward's world turned, and he felt himself lose consciousness for a moment. When his vision came back into focus, he realized Alphonse had flipped him over. Edward's gagged face slumped into the pillow, leaving him struggling for oxygen. He felt Al pull his buttocks up into the air. Edward cringed in repulsion as he felt his brother touch the soft, damaged tissue of the orifice there.

Then Edward screamed. Al had forced his erection into him. He thrusted hard into the Fullmetal, unrelenting in his need for pleasure and indifferent to the destruction of Edward's already damaged body.

Edward cried out, tears streaming down his face and onto the waiting pillow of the hospital bed. But his screams never reached far beyond his gag. Al was holding him down, fucking him, raping him. He was taking all he had left.

Al was holding his brother's wrists behind his back, shoving himself into Edward with sadistic pleasure. He leered and moaned over his brother. Edward felt saliva drip from Al's grinning mouth onto his shoulder blades. He shuddered. The combination of pain, disgust, and terror was a threat to his mind. Edward gasped and squeezed his eyes closed, trying to ignore a particularly painful buck of his younger brother's hips. He hurt so much; his fists clenched until his knuckled shone white, his nails digging into his palms, freeing blood.

Edward tensed and shuddered into his pillow. He couldn't move. His brother was too strong. He couldn't get help. The emergency button was just out of reach. He couldn't do anything. Where was Roy?

Edward felt Al change the position of his hands, encircling Edward's wrists with one while the other traveled… down. Edward sobbed… His brother clamped a hand… tight around his…

Edward could take no more. He had to escape.

He was suddenly still, calmer. His eyes were glassy with tears, but they were vacant. He was still in the hospital bed with his brother attacking him, but at the same time, he was somewhere else… somewhere else entirely.

He remembered being in front of the gate.

The doors creaked open, exposing clawing hands, ghostly arms and lavender eyes of beings inhuman. He was terrified, but he didn't run. There was nowhere to go. The black ghosting limbs of the gate had taken his left leg from him already. This time, it was a voluntary visit. He felt his right arm torn from his body and screamed. It was painful. The most painful thing he'd ever felt. But at least then it was worth it. It was equivalent exchange. He was getting his brother's soul in return for his limbs.

What was he getting now?

Where was the equivalent exchange this time?

Everything was being taken from him.

He had lost his brother. This new Al was nothing in comparison to him, a mere shadow to the person Alphonse had once been.

He had lost Roy. No doubt that the man wouldn't come back. Edward wanted to trust him, to believe what he'd said. But how could Roy ever forgive him for what he'd done?

He had lost his body. Not in the sense that Alphonse had, once upon a time. But he'd still lost it. He had no say over what was happening to him now.

It was terrible. It was terrible and unfair. It wasn't equivalent at all. There was no prize to be exchanged here.

Edward knew he would never forgive himself.

He had lost everything in the course of a week. His brother, his happiness, his body, and most importantly… Roy.

Edward hiccupped a sob, lapsing back to the present. The homunculus formerly known as his brother was biting and sucking at the tender skin of Ed's neck, causing jolts of pain that would form bruises in no time.

Edward shook his head, biting his lip until it drew blood, trying to repress the physical and mental pain that had returned full force.

He tried to bring up another memory fast. He recalled the first time he'd ever met Roy.

There was a fierce storm conjuring outside. The rain fell down in sheets so thick; it was a miracle that Alphonse didn't rust. The suit of armor holding his brother's soul carried him across the way from their childhood home to the house of the Rockbells.

Winry had been frantic. "What happened?" she cried over and over again. Pinako Rockbell wore a worried gaze, but worked quickly to help Edward. She stopped the bleeding of his stolen limbs and managed to attach new automail in its place. Edward tensed and muffled his screams all the while. The process was very painful.

And then Roy showed up. His dark hair was soaked from the rain. He had come a long way for the Elrics. He was younger then, but still a few years older than the Elric brothers. He was determined to bring them with him back to Central.

Pinako was angry. Why should he come calling in this hour of horror? And why had he come? He wanted to recruit the Elrics for State Alchemists. She wouldn't have that in her house.

But Edward was intrigued by the idea. Becoming a state alchemist would no doubt help him discover the means to get back his brother's body. Edward wasn't sure what he thought of the black-haired coronel at the time, but he had an intuitive feeling that he would be seeing him again.

And he did. Many times.

So many times that they all seemed to blur together.

Edward wished they wouldn't. He wanted each memory to be separate and unique. He wanted ever instance of Roy whispering his name to stand out in his mind. He wanted to know the subtle difference between every passing glace he'd ever received from him. He wanted to remember every touch…

They held hands every night walking home, Edward and Roy. Edward only wished it could have lasted longer. Every time he felt Roy's hand surround his, he felt hungry for more. He was needy, and though he wasn't too happy to admit it, he felt like he needed Roy much more than Roy needed him.

Roy was independent. He was strong-headed and strong-willed and strong all over. He was talented and good-looking. Edward didn't know why the man seemed to care for him so deeply. Why would Roy pick him when he could have not only any girl he wanted, but probably any man he wanted as well?

Edward was tiny. He'd always been self-conscious about his height, even as a child. He wasn't rugged or muscular or anything else that would be considered handsome in a man. And he struggled with his temper constantly. The only thing he had ever been any good at was alchemy, and from where had he gotten that? By trading his brother's soul to the gate.

He had nothing.

Nothing.

Edward moved as slow as he could to wipe a single tear from his eye. He hurt everywhere. It was then that he realized that the weight of Alphonse's body was removed from him.

Edward turned his head slowly… slowly. The room _was_ empty. Al was gone. He'd left Edward to bleed on the hospital bed.

Edward shuddered at the thought of him coming back for more. Alphonse _had_ left him alive…

Edward wondered if he even wanted to be alive. After all this…

He decided to let someone else handle it.

He reached out an arm, cringing with the effort it took, and pressed the button to call the nurse. Falling back into the bed, he let himself sink into unconsciousness, too weary to even see if he would make it.

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**AN: ****R&R! Read and REVIEW!**


	7. Somber Reunions

When I walked away from that hospital, I had no idea what would come to pass while I was gone. I hit a bar, deciding that a drink or two would definitely calm my nerves. I needed to think. There had to be sense in this. Edward had always been loyal to me. And he'd never shown THAT kind of interest in his brother before.

What had gone so horribly wrong? Edward had said that his brother had come back from the gate different. Was it possible that he was a homunculus as Edward had said? And if so, was he a sin? Was his soul tainted by a human desire?

Yes, I knew about the sins. Edward had hunted down and destroyed most of them. Others seemed to just fall off the map. But all seven sins had been accounted for. I wondered if they could repeat themselves.

I took a long swig of my drink, pondering my situation. Edward had betrayed me. He had had an affair… with his brother. But he was contrite. He said he was sorry.

I wanted to forgive him. I wanted more than anything to rush back to the hospital and take Edward in my arms, if only just to tell him that I was sorry I'd left. But I knew it couldn't be so.

He had betrayed me. Surely he would have to regain my trust slowly. I would be a fool to rush back to him. How could I know that he wouldn't betray me again the second I took him back? How could I know that when we kissed he wasn't thinking about Alphonse instead of me?

And then it hit me.

Edward had been crying when I found him last night. Edward had been _cutting_. He was miserable. He was confused and hurt and had lost all sense of reason. And I had left him alone in that state.

I jumped up from my barstool. A disgruntled exclamation came from the bartender as my liquor spilled over the counter. But I paid him no attention. I only thought of one thing.

I couldn't live without Edward.

The thought of him, alone and depressed in a place as cold and unforgiving as a hospital, was enough to make shivers run through me. How could I have been so stupid? What was I thinking, leaving my love to rot in that place? Sure, it had only been for a few minutes… But sometimes the shortest of times can hold the gravest of importance.

Tossing a few bills onto the counter, I fled the scene. I weaved my way through the various pedestrians as I ran faster than I ever had in the whole of my existence on mother earth. The passionate blood that had rushed into my heart served as a motor to the automobile of my body.

Edward needed me. It was my duty as his lover to be there.

The automated glass doors of the hospital divided. I leapt through, skidding along the linoleum tiles as I landed. A passerby cast me a judgmental glance, but no matter. I was only here for Edward. Mere judgements of others no longer mattered.

I surveyed the area. It wasn't long before my eyes fell upon a nurse pacing the corridor. I ran to her and took hold of her by the shoulders, unable to calm my emotions

My gaze meeting her shocked expression, I began to speak. "I need to see Edward Elric." I murmured hoarsely.

Trembling between my fingertips, her voice shook, "I'm sorry Sir, but Mr. Elric is not permitted to see any visitors at this time." Rage boiled my blood and scalded my veins. I unintentionally dug my fingernails into her shoulders.

"I'M A GODDAMN STATE ALCHEMIST. I DON'T NEED PERMISSION!" I shouted. The words were so loud that they pained my throat as they escaped into the air.

Frightened, the nurse surrendered. "Please follow me Sir." She whimpered.

An awkward, tense silence hung in the air as I trailed her down the hallway. We passed stark white room after stark white room- each conforming to the last. However, I still took note that this was not the same route I had taken to my love before. Had Edward been relocated? Why?

A terrible paranoia clung to my heart and chilled my bones to the core.

We turned down another corridor. A sign reading 'Crisis Stabilization Ward' clung to the wall. The panic was spreading throughout my entire body as we advanced down the hall.

Finally, we arrived. Hands trembling, the nurse placed her palms against the door handle. She directed her gaze upon me, sighed, and reluctantly twisted her wrist.

When the door swung open, a small gasp escaped my lips.

There he was, my Edward. A river of tears flowing down his soft, reddened cheeks. The nurse stepped forward, preparing to attend to her patient, but I held her back.

"Go." I whispered hoarsely, "I can take care of this myself."

Salty crystalline tears continued to plunge down Edward's cheeks.

"No!" she cried, "You don't understand, this patient is in dire need of treatment! He's not yet stable!"

"NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I TOLD YOU, I CAN TAKE CARE OF THIS MYSELF!" I shouted.

The Nurse shouted back. "THERE WAS AN ACCIDENT! YOU MAY NOT TOUCH HIM!"

My voice lowered, "An... an accident?" The nurse nodded. I turned to face my bisque lover, "Edward... what happened?"

Edward said nothing. His lips were locked in silence. Our voices appeared to be but white noise to the damaged soul.

I fell into the plastic chair set up at the youth's bedside. Everything was whirling out of control like a Merry-Go-Round of melancholy.

"Please... go..." I murmured. I met her eyes with only good intentions in my own onyx orbs, and finally, she understood that Edward needed me. In my eyes was a silent promise to be gentle with my lover in his delicate state. With a slight nod, she exited. I had gained her trust.

My hand grazed the side of Edward's cheek. Gently I cleared away his tears with my thumb. Slowly, he brought his orbs towards mine.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Roy?"

"I love you. Don't forget it."

An awkward silence fell. Edward sniffled away the last of his tears, but neither of us spoke.

Contemplative, I stared out the window and silently prayed for the blonde's forgiveness. So foolish I had been to abandon him in his time of need. Within the frames of my own mind, I pleaded him to let me back into his heart.

However, I was far too nervous to make such a request aloud. He had every right to be upset with me for acting so childish. How could I have behaved with such immaturity?

"Roy... Let's go home."

The silence had been broken.

Taken aback, I replied, "Love... you know you're ill. I want you to feel better."

"This place makes me feel worse," he stated.

I was torn. Was I to place my lover's desires over his well-being? Of course not. He had to heal. However, he did look paler than before. He had a sickly misery that seemed to cling to his flesh like bark to a tree.

My gut told me this was not a place of healing for Edward.

"Please, Roy..." chirped Edward, more broken sadness welling up in his soft champagne orbs, "I can't bear it any longer."

I caved to his pleas.

Edward gave a little whimper of shock as I scooped him up into my arms bridal-style. His bandaged arms and wrists lay against my chest. My fair-haired lover's lips opened to speak, but I sealed his words with my facial extremities.

Once our lips had been separated, the journey home began. If a panicked nurse stopped us, I merely flashed my state alchemist badge and carried on. I was a government official- I had the right to care for my beloved.

Carrying my lover in my arms down the street attracted the questioning glances of passer-bys. Occasionally Edward would cast me a nervous look. All this attention from strangers was making him feel uncomfortable.

However, I refused to surrender. My Edward was not well and it was my duty to care for him. I held him tighter and pressed onward, shrugging off the awkward stares.

Soon we had returned home.

Returned to the place where the horror began.

I lay Edward upon the crimson velvet of our couch. He tried to stand, but I gave him a gentle push into the soft cushions. "You've had a busy day, Love, you need rest." I murmured.

Naturally, the youth protested, but I halted his cries with a single kiss.

As our lips touched, my love for him re-ignited. I brought my arms around his small, supple, weak frame. Holding him in my arms with our bodies so close... his breathing synchronizing to mine.. his heart pounding in a percussional symphony with my own... I was tempted to go farther.

But no. It wouldn't be right. He was ill.

However, I could feel more love brewing and my desire growing with each passing second.

I stood up. The blonde cast me a look of confusion, almost bewilderment. "I'll make us some tea." I muttered. Then I set off into the kitchen, trying to conceal my lust until it waned away.

"Roy?"

I rotated my skull to take in his facial geography as he spoke.

Edward shifted nervously. His voice quivered as he murmured, "If you ever left me again... I... I just don't know..."

A single tear rolled down his cheek.

"I would die without you."

At this, I finally gave into my temptations.


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